No resolving anything today.

(this post is probably interesting to, say, 3 people, but I need to think this through).

The eating disorder director called to schedule a second interview with her boss (the director runs the facility, but the facility is owned by a larger company, and it is a person with the larger company who will be at this second interview) for Wednesday at 1:30.

The temp agency told me that they should hear from the hospital on Wednesday and will let me know on Wednesday. She also told me that she anticipates that this job would become a permanent position.

I am having a much harder time choosing between the jobs than I anticipated (and the truth is that neither have been offered to me, so this is all just buying trouble.)

The benefits of the hospital job are mainly that I know I enjoy working in a hospital, I know I enjoy the pediatrics unit, I know how to do the job, would need very limited training, and it would be relatively easy.

The drawbacks to the hospital job are that the commute is significantly longer (which is a big deal to me), it is still medical work (which I am feeling burnt on–the lack of continuity of care, the lack of need for MSW services, the lack of understanding from the medical community at large of the role of the SW, etc), and I worry that I again would be an agent of control–making sure that the family is compliant, etc. That isn’t what I want.

One of the biggest draws to the ED (eating disorder) job is that it is totally different. It is clinical therapy based which I have never really done. Ever. So I am really, really scared about that. But totally different is also really exciting. It is also a very intense position, while the hospital one would be less so. But intense isn’t bad, but again, just different. Also, it is permanent (of course I could be fired, but that is very different than the hospital job. While that job could turn permanent, I imagine that it could just as easily not, with no responsibility on the hospital’s part to stick it out with me).

I think I need to go with different, even though the familiar just feels so much less scary. Because different is really, really scary.

Of course, I could be offered neither job, so this could all just be useless. But I can’t help it.