The truth is that I think that I am in the wrong career. For now, at least. Honestly, I am a pretty good social worker–I understand, generally, how to do my job, and do it well. But, I am just slowly losing my mind. And I can’t find another social work job because I reject most of them that I see–while I love social work, I don’t really like being a social worker all the time. Honestly, if another hospital job came up, I would apply, and take it if offered. But I already know that it will be hard, because one of the main jobs of social workers in local hospitals is to convince patients to be compliant, to bow their head and just do what the doctor’s say. Avoid lawsuits, and make things easier for the staff. Which is hard to do. Because I believe in the values of social work, and one of the foremost values is that of self-determination. And so many of the social work jobs that I see seek to employ social workers to ensure that self-determination doesn’t happen at all. I don’t want to do that.

I refuse to even search for a job with a long commute, for environmental reasons as well as for my mental health. The godawful phrase of ‘beggars can’t be choosers’ (which is a totally fucked sentiment, i get that) keeps coming to my mind, like I shouldn’t have guidelines or restrictions on what job I would take. But that won’t fly. I understand that I have to pay my dues, but do I have to be fucking miserable to do it?

I looked at Barnes and Noble and Borders, but the local ones don’t seem to be hiring. The pay I am sure would be much less, but they have benefits, and probably pay enough to make our bills.

With all that said, what should I do? Where should I look for work? What do you envision me doing, as a job, as a career (and at this point, the whole concept of a career feels pretty empty)?

On a similar note, one of my favorite people andrea is applying to this program and I am insanely jealous. It sounds amazing. (For another view of the property, click here. Of course I couldn’t leave for 3 months, not financially contributing to my family for 3 months. But damn, it sounds amazing.