round and round

First, thank you to everyone who commented on my last post. It really helped.

Second, my Mandarin class was cancelled. Not enough enrollees. Which frees up Mondays, but I was so excited. It did make me realize that I really do want to learn Chinese (although I am still torn between Cantonese and Mandarin) so someday soon I will try again.

Regarding work. I think that I will go with a temp agency right now. There is one that works with MSWs, pays 2 dollars an hour more than what I make right now, has health insurance and paid time off, and says that they can work me 40 hours a week. So. I have a meeting with the representative on Wednesday afternoon–I will fill out the application between now and then (hopefully tonight). It’s funny, the person hired for the hospital job that I wanted was hired from working through her company. I don’t expect to get a job offer from working through her because I am not yet licensed (I probably have 18 months until I am licensed) but I should be able to have steady work from now until when I find a job that I really want to work.

The questions I still have to get answered:
-what sort of placements are available? (I know that they are mainly medical, but that is really all I know)
-how long is the average placement? (3 days? 3 months?)

Those are my main questions right now. What else should I ask?

The truth is that I think that I am in the wrong career. For now, at least. Honestly, I am a pretty good social worker–I understand, generally, how to do my job, and do it well. But, I am just slowly losing my mind. And I can’t find another social work job because I reject most of them that I see–while I love social work, I don’t really like being a social worker all the time. Honestly, if another hospital job came up, I would apply, and take it if offered. But I already know that it will be hard, because one of the main jobs of social workers in local hospitals is to convince patients to be compliant, to bow their head and just do what the doctor’s say. Avoid lawsuits, and make things easier for the staff. Which is hard to do. Because I believe in the values of social work, and one of the foremost values is that of self-determination. And so many of the social work jobs that I see seek to employ social workers to ensure that self-determination doesn’t happen at all. I don’t want to do that.

I refuse to even search for a job with a long commute, for environmental reasons as well as for my mental health. The godawful phrase of ‘beggars can’t be choosers’ (which is a totally fucked sentiment, i get that) keeps coming to my mind, like I shouldn’t have guidelines or restrictions on what job I would take. But that won’t fly. I understand that I have to pay my dues, but do I have to be fucking miserable to do it?

I looked at Barnes and Noble and Borders, but the local ones don’t seem to be hiring. The pay I am sure would be much less, but they have benefits, and probably pay enough to make our bills.

With all that said, what should I do? Where should I look for work? What do you envision me doing, as a job, as a career (and at this point, the whole concept of a career feels pretty empty)?

On a similar note, one of my favorite people andrea is applying to this program and I am insanely jealous. It sounds amazing. (For another view of the property, click here. Of course I couldn’t leave for 3 months, not financially contributing to my family for 3 months. But damn, it sounds amazing.

Here are the boys, picture taken last night with no flash. They only sit still in the evenings, and using a flash scares them so I can never get a clear picture. It isn’t a great photo, but they are cute enough that I hope it doesn’t matter!

well, sock yarn at least.

I got my award for winning best secret pal for secret pal 8.

2 skeins of koigu kpppm sock yarn. In perfect colors. Honestly, I live in shades of grey, and wouldn’t have ever bought grey sock yarn. This is the perfect combination of variegation and grey.

Now I just need some time to knit. Tuesday and Thursday evenings are yoga, as are Sunday mornings. Last night (Wed) I had dinner with my sock fairy friend Lisa and a new knitting friend that we just met. Tomorrow night I am on call, but plan on getting some serious work done on the boucle scarf. Saturday is a guild meeting, and Sunday I have to do a visit for work in the middle of the day.

And starting monday I have conversational mandarin Monday nights. I am so pleased to be able to do so much–I was sick for a few years, and having all of these commitments is almost impossible feeling. I think that it is manageable, but more so on weekends when I have down time. I have knitting to do–Christmas is coming faster and faster.

And, Happy New Year to any one who is celebrating.

I just finished How Yoga Works, a novel incorporating the yoga sutra, explaining the philosophy behind yoga (note that it is written by Buddhists in a Tibetan tradition, so it certainly has its own slant). I adored it. It was nicely written, really explaining the purpose and function of yoga. The real message in the book, at least the message that I found, was that kindness is the most important thing, being kind to yourself and kind to others. That’s a message that I can support.

I recently put some cds into my car (I really haven’t been listening to that much music, but it makes me happy, so I am trying to rectify that). They are:

The Otis Redding Anthology
The Grateful Dead-American Beauty
Tori Amos-Little Earthquakes
Bob Marley and the Wailers-Uprising
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs-Fever to Tell

And on the job front, the position has been filled. And not by me. Boo.

I signed up for a class through the extension center at the local university. I am taking introduction to conversation chinese (mandarin). T only speaks Cantonese, and in some ways I would prefer learning that, but I have never seen it offered around here. And his parents, and whole family speak Mandarin as well as Cantonese (and many other languages) so I can practice with them, as well as teach what I learn to T.

Classes are 3 hrs every Monday night. I am very excited.

I will call the hospital that I applied to again tomorrow. She sounded very positive last Tuesday, and she only works Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, but she never called back. So I will call again in the morning. I would really like this job, not just to get out of the job I am at, but because I think it could be enjoyable (as enjoyable as social work gets. It isn’t really one of the fun professions.)

Tomorrow, if I am not called out, I will go to my favorite yoga class. I am already looking forward to it (and am scared–that shit is hard!).

Crossing my fingers about a new job.

That’s me. Completely spoilt.

The Cherry Tree Hill boucle is for a scarf for a friend of Selu’s. I hope that it is ok. I am going to use MJ’s scarf pattern which I think will show off this crazy luxurious yarn.

And the Lorna’s Laces? Lets look again.

Gifts. For me. Can you believe it? My friend Lisa sent me a confusing email yesterday. Something about sock yarn for me at Closeknit. I emailed her, asking what she meant. No response. And when I went to Closeknit today for the boucle, she looked at my debit card, and then looked at me, and then back at the debit card, and told me to go to the wall of Lorna’s Laces and pick four (4) skeins. For me. Already paid for, by Lisa.

Spoilt, right?

I planned a post about the music I have been listening to, and even started it this morning. And then the day hit.

I think everyone knows I work hospice. I got to work, went to stand-up (where we go over our admits and deaths from the day before) and got a new patient. A 21 year old patient, with cancer. I spent an hour and a half with his aunt and mother. And that was about all I could do today. Sometimes this job is just too hard. I am going back tomorrow, to talk to his young siblings. I am worn.

On the good news front, a friend I have had for about 10 years is getting married, and I am really happy for her. It is wonderful. And the film she and her sister have been working on for years is scheduled for screenings all over the country. She is amazing (and if anyone wants to see the movie, let me know. It is a documentary about Cuban hip hop, shot mainly in Cuba).

And I won a Best Pal award for Secret Pal 8. Yay! A prize should arrive in a week or so.

In not so hot news, still havent heard from the job. She told me she would call when I talked to her Tuesday morning. I am unsure what to do from here. I will probably call in the morning, to check in one last time. Hopefully I will get more information (either an interview, or be declined) so I can know which direction this is going. Because today was just about the end of me at work. I love some of my coworkers, but damn, its just too hard.

I ended up doing two yoga classes last night. So I am all stretched out and sore, but feeling good. I am really enjoying yoga, and am tempted to make sure that any new job I eventually do get allows me to go to the Ashtanga Prep class. It was amazing.

I talked to the director of social services at the hospital yesterday, and she said that she was still interested, would talk to HR because she hadn’t yet recieved my application/resume (grrrr) and would call back. That was yesterday at about 8 am. Haven’t heard since. I will call once more, on Friday, to check in. Just a wait and see situation right now.

Hopefully I will actually do some knitting tonight, so I can have more pictures soon.

The back of the Cambridge Jacket is done (if this goes well, I will be knitting another one for T. We shall see).

And I got to spend the day with Kelly and her family at Felt Club and in Echo Park (the park itself as well as the neighborhood). It was a beautiful day and I had a great time. T and I are making tentative plans to spend a weekend in her town sometime soon.

A good weekend, hopefully it will propel me through another week.